There is an awesome power we all possess when it comes to survival against psychological warfare. Rather than continue playing the narcissist’s war we simply step back. Step away. We whisper, nearly inaudible, “no.” We immediately starve the narcissist with this simple act. We stop engaging, and thus, gain our identity system’s boundaries. When we block their attacks with this genius move they will reach out in an “escalation pattern.” It begins with praise-laden love bombs, then rage which leads to the drawback, the silent treatment, then crisis mode eventually comes to a head in a massive character assassination of you to anyone in earshot. The narcissist’s “death spiral” ends with the empath now facing life in a fresh perspective, a new reality where they have no need for praises, raises, awards, and kudos in order to believe in number one, first and foremost. Want to win? Don’t play.
When the unarmed narcissist cannot fathom that they’re no longer in control, they don’t break. They lash out crying wolf that they have been wronged. That they were turned on by someone they always counted on for no reason at all. Narcissists then choose to invoke a persuasive “shadow projection.” They crush your image and reframe themselves as the victim. You trade roles in their twisted mind game revealing a newly distorted reality. The narcissist will persuade others that they are innocent and you are the aggressor. The “extinction burst” happens when the narcissist will become your best friend again. It’s actually a shadowy way to wiggle their way back into your arms. There is no limit to the number of crises they will attempt to pull you into in order to dupe you. In the end they will fully withdraw from the relationship.
Self-acceptance causes the narcissist to completely cave in. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy taught me that radical acceptance can grant us an immediate force field that no shadow can penetrate. Discernment gives us clear vision allowing us to not only walk away, but even pass right through the narcissist’s false self. They’re a mere ghost, a phantom. We are forced to look within, rather than continue using external validations from others. Once we understand this, there is no need for any other person, system, tribe or vibe to refuel our souls. In a deep rush our minds are swept clean. No more webs of deceit blocking our periphery.
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” — Carl Gustav Jung