When I turned 50, I found myself in a conundrum. After two years of waiting patiently, the judicial system cast me aside with zero financial assistance for my lifelong bipolar 1 (manic depressive disorder) mental illness. Instead of looking outward for answers, I looked within. I asked myself: “what gave me the most pleasure when I was a child?” The answers flooded in with minimal effort. In that moment I was sixteen again. Innocent, yet a wise, old soul born and bred in the 70s. I was born into a Wild West of imagination, intellect, and insight. A time when wandering, meandering around our neighborhoods on our BMX bikes and skateboards meant freedom.
Freedom from any system that was built to control us. During those formative years I knew deep down in my gut that God was always with me. Religion was an immediate turn off as it placed a mediator between myself and my creator. I saw them coming for me. The zealots wanted me to conform and bow to their version of an edited religion built on nothing more than control. In that moment I made a pact with myself that I, like Peter Pan, would choose to never grow up, give in, or give up. I would fight with my sword and trusty lamp at my side keeping my paths anything but straight and narrow. My mind was given time to develop and chase dreams.
Imagination defined my reality rather than the other way around. I studied hard, knew the rules. I began to flex and bend them while defying gravity itself. Grandad taught us well how to regulate our center. It’s a rather basic physics trick. He’d join a spoon and fork in a friendly handshake while balancing them with a simple toothpick on the edge of a drinking glass. What we perceived as magic became the foundation of our curious minds. Proof that anything is possible once we know the mechanics. Magic is not a trick. It’s an algorithm.
I learned how to use my wings. Floating down the hallways while everyone else slept. I felt the air resistance. It was an echo of force similar to swimming in the deep end of our neighborhood pool. Since then I awake each day with the same curious excitement. Every day feels like Christmas morning full of awesome discoveries. My life has become one effortless awakening after another. In what amounted to three and a half years, I discovered all of my deepest secrets. Secrets that up until now I was afraid to share. I see things that others don’t. I know things that I was never taught. My spirit has never shined as bright as it does now. When I was 50 I doubled down and bet it all on myself.
I pitched three options to my parents in order to fully develop action plans for my life. The first two included gaining financial assistance from outside sources while the third laid out how I’d face it all on my own. Before I shared them with my family, I had already made my decision. Door number three. I invested fully in developing and unlocking my inner knowing, imagination, intuition, and predictive spontaneity. I am free, and gradually, intentionally I will share with those who might find solace in understanding their own worth.
Imagination defined my reality rather than the other way around. I studied hard, knew the rules. I began to flex and bend them while defying gravity itself. Grandad taught us well how to regulate our center. It’s a rather basic physics trick. He’d join a spoon and fork in a friendly handshake while balancing them with a simple toothpick on the edge of a drinking glass. What we perceived as magic became the foundation of our curious minds. Proof that anything is possible once we know the mechanics. Magic is not a trick. It’s an algorithm.
Through half a century of trials I discovered my truth. Never grow up. Don’t follow someone else’s dreams for my lives. I say lives because at any point we have the ability to innately change anything, even everything. I chose to go off-map and chart new regions of discovery. I follow what is unseen to many, to most. The answers aren’t out there, up there or even down there. They’re inside each of us. All we need to do is request access. I’ve said that many times, and it still rings true. What may appear as witchcraft or alchemy to some, I’ve unlocked my innermost mysteries defining what it means to be a devilishly angelic spirit living within a terrestrial experience.
